It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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