I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
