i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
