You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
