eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
