why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
