I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
