Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
