I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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