First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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