yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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