the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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