Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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