you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
