Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have aggressive nipples.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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