lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
