that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The struggles of a small town man whore
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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