as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize