i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
