I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
