I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
