i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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