better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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