I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
