The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
