she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
