come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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