i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
