Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
