What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
