Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
