just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
