my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
