i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
