She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
