I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
