Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
