She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My penis needs a shock collar
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
