did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
