Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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