my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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