Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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