god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
