I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This baby is an asshole
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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