My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
