I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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