Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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