brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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