Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
