I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
