Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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