I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
