I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
