she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
