my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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