I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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