It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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