I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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