I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
