Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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