Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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